A Little Venting..

I don't understand. I've been depressed off and on now for extended periods of time,I don't understand my latest string of it at all. I feel lonely, unwanted, unloved, etc... and I've no idea whats causing it.I Try to talk about it to anyone who will listen in hopes of finally being cured, having it taken away, something! But its so hard for me.. i can tell you im upset,depressed etc. but extend on Why and i get all quiet. why cant i find someone i feel i can talk to? What I crave is love. I want, no, wish someone would love me. I want to feel cherished and loved. I can deal out affection and be generous with it. But I think it freaks people out which usually ends up hurting me. I fall hard fast and in turn get walked all over and treated like shit.. and then ditched/dropped like a bad habit. I wish I could pin point what's bugging me. The things I list though are things beyond my control. You cant make someone love you, its not humanly possible... And I wish the small amount of people i call Friends would make up for the distance in my family, but its not so. I have friends, and yet I feel like im still fighting every battle on my own. I'm not sure of who I am anymore, what I stand for. I know i have to believe in myself before i can have anyone else believe in me but its just so hard.. I wish I could be the little girl in all those pictures. Adorable and care free. Nothing mattered, depression didnt exist. What ever happened to that little girl? Why can't i be her? I try to tell myself that I can be strong. And that my family might have taken themselves out of my life. Or not accept me for who i am.. but who i am is ME and i shouldnt have to change that for anyone. I feel as though im left with no one. Literally no one. No one to call when Im blue, no one to share the happy times. No one to watch me grow. No one to Care.
I don't know why i have JUST realized this ... but.. life isnt' fair ... but then again what is fair.. it doens't make sense to me why things happen to me for what ever reason... You would think you try your hardest effort to make a difference and be a happy person , do nice things... become a better person.. but all this stuff goes down the drain... In the end, it means nothing... nothing at all because in the end superficiality takes over... and that is all that matters.... So I am very frustrated... about how life works out in the end... I imagine applying this to the real world and all I can imagine is that when I put this much into the world.... in the end .. nothing will come out of it..... THE worst thing in the world is not death.. is not fear of embarassment .... but it is indeed disappointment... the feeling you get when you try so hard... and then your are let down.. especially by yourself..... Of course everybody always says you can build up... and try again... but it makes you wonder... what actually is trying hard or making an effort is really all about.. Because it really doesnt matter...You try time and time again hoping one time something Different will happen a better outcome will arise and yet.. in the end its all the same....